Getting By With What We Have
by wholockian99
Summary: Sam: 13 months old Dean: 5, set about a year after the fire, and John is still distraught. Oneshot for now but comment if you want more! (John angst, cute, loving father) (weechester)


It had barely been a year since the fire. John was managing as best as he could with the help of Bobby and pastor Jim. Sam had started walking last month and was proving to be a handful, Dean always had a watchful eye on his little brother. John would watch how Dean interacted with Sam. He wouldn't let the infant be alone. They had a loving bond, and John hoped that would never change.

"Dean! Come see who is at the door, and bring Sam!" John called out, as he greeted Bobby at the door.

Dean slowly came down the stairs, carefully holding Sammy who was wriggling feverishly, begging to be let down. There were two steps left when Sam finally wiggled free, and scooted down the steps. But Dean lost his footing and slid down, hitting the bottom hard. He sat dazed for a moment, before he let out a pained cry. John was by Dean's side instantly, while Bobby grabbed the toddling infant.

"Dean,shhhh you're okay. What hurts ace?" John asked, setting the five-year-old in his lap.

"M-my leg d-daddy." Dean said, rolling up his pant sleeve to reveal an already forming bruise.

"Bobby, can you grab the bag of frozen peas in the freezer." John said, carrying his crying son to the couch.

John sat down, and let Dean curl up beside him while Bobby came back. The older man set the infant down in his play pen, and handed the peas to John.

"This will make you feel better. I promise." John said, as he laid Dean down on the couch, propped the boy's right ankle up, placing the makeshift ice pack on his foot.

Sam watched curiously from over his playpen, and began to babble reaching for his older brother.

"C-can Sammy come sit with me?" Dean asked, sniffling.

John smiled. He brought the loud infant to his older brother, and placed him beside his brother. Sammy smiled, and hugged Dean's arm, snuggling in close.

"I've got ya' Sammy. I won't ever let go." Dean said, as the two fell asleep.

John approached the kitchen, and sat beside Bobby.

"Those two boys. Their gonna' be the death of me." John said chuckling, as he opened up the two beers.

"How've you been?" Bobby asked, worried about the state of the fellow hunter.

John looked up at Bobby, with sad eyes, but a smile on his face.

"Sammy took his first steps last month...ended up on his ass crying." Bobby chuckled, at the hunter's remark.

"But god. Bobby I miss her so much. I mean there are so many things that I, as a father, can't do. Heck I'm still learnin'!" John said, feeling a lump in his throat. "I'm trying so hard to make sure I don't fail her..but I-" John couldn't finish his sentence without choking up.

Bobby just stared at John, not knowing how to help him.

"John. You're the best father I know. Hell you've been able to hold it together until now! And don't say you'll fail her. Because I won't let that happen." Bobby grasped John, and held him in a hug as the young father sobbed.

"Daddy?"

"Look your boys need ya'. They look up to, and they love ya'. So go be the best father you can be." Bobby smiled, and let John go to his sons.

"Yeh Dean?" John asked, as he squatted down beside the couch.

Dean rubbed his eyes and yawned, before saying "Can I sleep with you tonight? I-I wanna' be close to Sammy..."

John smiled and nodded before he picked up the boys and carried them up the stairs to his room.

"Is uncle Bobby gonna' stay with us?"

"Yep. For a little while until he has to go back home."

Dean smiled, happy he could spend some time with his uncle.

John and Bobby bathed and dressed the two boys, before placing Dean on the queen-sized bed and Sam in his crib a few feet away. Sam lay quietly babbling to himself, and kicking his little blue mobile.

John got dressed, and laid down in the bed, allowing Dean to curl up around him.

"Daddy," Dean quietly asked, eyes already closed. "Can you sing."

John looked down at the little figure curled around his midsection, and placed a kiss on his head.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better..."

The next morning, John was awoken by laughter, and a sweet smell. Downstairs he was met by the sight of Sam playing on the floor and Dean and Bobby enjoying pancakes and apple juice.

"'Mornin John!" Bobby chirped, "We have some pancakes that Dean helped make and a pie cooling off in the oven."

John smiled, and kissed both of his sons.

"How is your leg today Dean?" John asked, while Dean lifted up his pajama pants to reveal a deep purple bruise.

"Doesn' hurt as much." Dean replied with a mouthful of pancakes.

John sat down, and began enjoying a plateful of the food. Nobody seemed to notice as Sam crawled away into the kitchen.

"So what's the plan for today Bobby? What do you say we go to the pool...or the zoo... What about you Dean?" John asked, seeing his son beam in excitement.

Suddenly there was a blood-curdling scream from the kitchen. The two hunters and the young boy dashed into the room to see Sam balled up, screaming on the top of his lungs and clinging onto his left hand. John saw the oven door open, and immediately feared the worst.

"Sammy. You have to let daddy see. Where does it hurts tiger." John said, cradling the boy who continued to scream and cry.

Sam wearily lifted up his arm to reveal the back of his hand which was bright red and blistering.

"Bobby get Dean in the car and get it started. I have to run his hand under water." John said, feeling queasy.

Bobby nodded, and ran out to the car with the older son, while John carried the infant over to the sink.

"I'm sorry tiger, but this is gonna' hurt." John whispered, as he carefully held Sam's hand under the tap.

The boy screamed harder and began to sob violently. John held it there for a little more before grabbing a cloth, placing it over Sam's hand and running out to the Impala.

They arrived at the ER a few minutes later. John ran in with Sam in his arms.

"My son. He is only 13 months old, and he accidentally burned his hand on the oven. It's really bad." He begged a nurse to take him back immediately.

The nurse shot him a glance, gave him a clipboard and said, "Fill this out and wait like everyone else."

John stood stunned. This was an emergency and this is how he was being treated. Sam continued to wail, and his throat was beginning to become raspy. Dean and Bobby walked in, and sat down on the hard plastic chairs.

"Listen lady. My baby is in severe pain, if that isn't noticeable by his pained screams." John gritted through his teeth.

"Yeh and other people are in pain like him. So take a seat and wa-" before the nurse could finish, a doctor walked out and approached John.

"I couldn't help but hear this little guys wails." The doctor said, looking down at Sam who had started to shake from his violent crying.

"Here why don't you take him back and we'll take a look at him. By the way I'm Dr. Wells, but you can call me Chris." He said, while leading John and Sam through the large double doors.

"So what exactly happened to little Sam." Chris said, snapping on a new pair of gloves.

"Their uncle was making breakfast, and he left a pie in the oven to cool off. I didn't notice, but Sam must have crawled into the kitchen. My older son, their uncle and I were talking when we heard the scream. I was there immediately. I ran his hand under water, since i read that helps."John said, as Sam's sobs sounded raspier.

"Well I want to start out by giving him some light pain medication, because he is obviously in a deal of pain." Chris said, as he opened a package with a syringe.

John held Sam tightly,as the doctor approached the infant. Sam's eyes grew wide, when he saw the needle, and he began to squirm. It only took a few seconds, but once the needle was out, the medication was already taking effect, as Sam' sobs morphed into whimpers and eventually he was out like a light.

"That should calm him down." Chris said, smiling as he saw the father immediately relax.

The doctor grabbed a small tube and a pack of gauze.

"So I need to look at his hand, and decide how bad the burn is." Chris said, opening up the plastic packaging of the bandage.

John nodded, and removed the cloth on the sleeping infant's hand. The small hand was an even darker shade of red, and had more blisters. He felt his face go pale, as he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. John shifted on the bed, before he set Sam down.

"Mr. Winchester..", Chris asked, seeing John sit up.

"I-I feel..." John said, before he collapsed onto the cold floor.

"Mr. Winchester? Just relax. You fainted."

John slowly opened his eyes to see that he was still on the floor, and Dr. Wells and a few nurses were standing over him.

"I-is Sam okay." John asked wearily, as he slowly sat up.

A nurse handed him a small paper cup with some fresh water.

"I had another doctor come in to finish him up after you fainted. He has a pretty bad 1st degree burn, but he was lucky it wasn't worse. We set him up with some antibiotic cream, and we have a few packs of gauze. Apply the cream every 4-6 hours and then lightly wrap his hand in gauze."

John moved over, and sat in a chair. A nurse carried Sam, who was still sleeping, over to John.

"C'mon tiger. Let's go home. It's been a rough morning for all of us." John muttered as he walked back into the ER.

Bobby and Dean were right at John and Sam's side.

"How is the little one?" Bobby asked, carrying Dean who had been crying.

"Is Sammy g-gonna' be okay?" Dean asked sniffling.

"He is going to be fine." John reassured.

John explained what to do for Sam, to make sure the burn heals.

"The doctor said that if he is in pain to give him some children's tylenol. And come back in a few days to check up on him."

Bobby smiled, and rocked Dean, who was starting to fall asleep. John was cradling Sam, who had his right thumb resting in his mouth.

"Geez John, you look like you've been to hell and back.." Bobby whispered as they drove in the car with the boys sleeping in the back.

"Yeh..seeing Sam's hand I kinda' got nauseous...and i sorta' passed out." John muttered, as he heard the older hunter break out in laughter.

Back at the house, Sam was fast asleep in his playpen, and Dean was sitting on the couch watching spiderman.

"Well it's only lunch and we already had a morning eventful enough to be a day...what now?" Bobby asked John, as they sat down, each with a coffee.

"Why don't we just head over to the park with the kids. I mean Sam is still groggy from the pain medication but that means one less little one to watch." Bobby smiled.

John agreed, and went to pack up a bag of toys and supplies for the boys.

"C'mon Dean we're all going to the park." John called out, as he carefully placed Sam in his stroller.

The infant's eyes fluttered open, and John watched as his lower lip began to quiver. Sam let out a wail, as he reached out for John.

"Shhhhh you're okay. The meds haven't worn off yet, and he must be out-of-it." John said, which helped Bobby relax.

They headed over to the park, Dean humming and skipping and Sam playing and chewing on his stuffed bunny.

"Uncl' Bobby can you push me on the swings?" Dean asked, tugging on the older man's pant leg.

"'Course little man!" Bobby shouted, lifting Dean up, as the boy began to giggle uncontrollably.

Sam was sitting in John's lap, continuing to play with his bunny and suck on his blue and green pacifier. John watched Dean and Bobby chase each other, and laughed when Dean tried to tackle the older hunter, but ended up clinging onto his back. He looked down at Sam, and Sam looked up at him with big brown eyes. The infant smiled an giggled, while John poked his nose playfully. He looked so much like Mary. She had always said he was different. He wasn't like Dean. He was going to be a successful man. But she'll never get to see that. John felt his smile morph into a face of sorrow. He felt his heart rip as he realized all the things she would miss. Sam's first steps, first words, first day of school, graduating, marriage. And he hated everything. He wanted her back, and he hated himself because he couldn't bring her back. He hated the boys for reminding him of her. He hated the world. John felt his face turn red and angered, as he roughly shoved Sam into his stroller. Sam was surprised, and began to cry out of shock at what his father had just done.

"Dean c'mon we're going. Now. Don't make me ask twice." The furious father spat out.

"Hey. Relax John." Bobby said, slowly approaching the other hunter.

"Why don't you!" John shouted spinning around, and trying to punch Bobby.

But the older hunter was faster. He grabbed John's wrist and yanked up hard, sending the father to the ground as he clutched his wrist in agony.

"Do not even try. I'm here to help you so don't even try that shit on me." Bobby spit out.

Dean had been watching, and remained still the entire time. He walked over to Sam, took him out of the stroller and quietly cried while clutching his baby brother.

"They just..so much...Mary." John stammered through sobs from the ground.

Bobby knelt beside him and held the hunter, trying to calm the father down.

"I know. You miss her. They remind you of her and you just can't control yourself. But don't be like that to them. They love you so much. Don't ruin it John. Be the father Mary would have wanted you to be. I'm sorry 'bout your wrist. Reflex ya' know.." John chuckled, rubbing the tears out of his eyes.

"Yeh. Not broken, but man that bruise is gonna' be a bitch."

"I'd go comfort the boys. I think they are kind of frightened now." Bobby said, motioning to the huddled ball holding a small crying bundle.

John stood up, and slowly approached his sons.

"Dean...hey it's okay. I'm okay now." John said, wincing at how his eldest scooted away.

"Y-you scared Sammy and me." Dean whispered, still clutching onto Sam, who now wanted John.

"I know. I'm so sorry Dean. I love you so much. Understand that I would never ever hurt you." John said, scooping up both boys.

"It's been a rough couple of days. How about we all head home." Bobby said, as John fastened Sam into his stroller, and handed the infant his pacifier and toy.

After three less eventful days, Bobby headed back home, leaving John and the boys on their own. Sam's hand was looking much better, and was not as painful for the infant. John hadn't had another panic attack since Sam's injury.

It was late at night, the three Winchesters had eaten, and were getting ready for bed, but Dean decided it wasn't time yet.

"I don't want to!" Dean shouted, kicking the sheets off his legs.

John placed the sheet back over the boy.

"Stop screaming, you'll wake up Sammy." John said, as Dean shrieked and thrashed.

John could not handle tantrums. He just couldn't. The father watched his oldest son scream and cry for ten minutes, before he decided he had had enough.

"DEAN YOU BETTER GET IN BED NOW!" John yelled, startling the crying boy.

"No!" Dean shouted back.

John was done with this behavior. Dean was going to learn that he can't get away with this. John grabbed Dean, and pushed him over his knee. Dean abruptly stopped his shouts, and started to panic.

"D-daddy don't spank me I'll stop.." Dean begged.

"You were naughty and now you have to learn that you can't get away with that." John replied back as he steadied the boy, so he wouldn't squirm as much

The first swat was light, as John feared he would be too hard. Dean let out a little yelp and tried to wiggle out of his father's grip.

John proceeded with 10 hard swats, which by the fifth Dean was in full fledged sobs. He ended off with another round of five on each side. Dean was shaking, and sobbing, as John lifted him into his lap.

"You know I love you more than anything, but you can't be naughty. You could wake up Sammy, and you know how hard it is for him to fall asleep." John cooed, as Dean's cries settled.

"I-I'm sorry d-daddy." Dean stammered through his cries.

John kissed his son's head, and carried him to his bedroom upstairs. He set the boy down on the bed, and instantly Dean's eyes fell closed. John quietly sat down at the kitchen table, a picture of him, Mary, Dean and newborn Sam in his hands. He smiled, letting tears fall down his face and onto the photo. He held the frame to his chest before he let out a sob. They had a perfect family, a perfect life. And in seconds everything fell apart. He cried at the thought of Mary on the ceiling. Her dead cold eyes, her blood dripping. Her. But what had happened. He didn't know. He had spent that year finding out. And now he knew. He had to kill whatever that bastard was. He had to.

For revenge. For Mary.


End file.
